I've completed my fourth novel.
All four of which were completed shortly before midnight on November 30 of
their respective years...
I checked in on some
old friends this Thankgiving.
While packing for my
holiday trip, I put on the DVD of their 2002 reunion tour. They look much
older - yet still the same. Peter is humble, Mickey is charming, and
Davy is really high-strung.
And Davy delights the crowd with a story
Brady Bunch episode where he sings at Marcia's prom.
"I got hate
letters from every other girl in America.
"Because I wouldn't go to
their bloody prom...."
The Monkees couldn't play their instruments?
Actually, there's more to the story. They were furious at this
criticism, and learned how to play instruments.
They performed live on stage, and two decades later Rhino records even
a live album of one 1967 concert.
The studio still preferred using hired musicians, but let the
Monkees perform on their third album,
On the back of the album, the four Monkees put
the following note.
We aren't the only musicians on this album, but the occasional extra
bass or horn player played under our direction, so that this is all
Each one of us has some musical thing, from Manchester to Texas,
from the East Coast to the West, and when four people just go with their
thing, what comes out is a whole. Don't ask "a whole what?", just
listen. If only the smallest part of how much fun it was to make this
record gets heard, it was all worthwhile.
Mike, Davy, Mickey, Peter
The controversy still haunts them. A 2002 reunion tour
reviewer note that "it's mainly a Monkee sing-along to
the sounds of a
large generic backup band."
But even then, he concedes that "Peter really does play a variety of
instruments here (and quite well),"
and "There is one song where Mickey plays the drums... And Mickey's
drumming is great on that song, for me it's one of the
highlights of this DVD.
50 Cent's movie gets a fascinating review from Roger Ebert.
Billboards for the movie have been protested by citizens' groups -- not
do-gooders or killjoys but people who have seen the bodies on the
streets and attended the funerals and seen drugs taking a deadly tax of
young manhood. Hustle & Flow is about a man...who
wants to escape the drug world and become a musical artist. Get
is about a man who hangs on in the drug world as long as possible, and
becomes a musician because he is talented and very lucky. There is a
difference between these two life strategies.
Still, I must review the movie, not offer counseling to Curtis Jackson.
Get Rich is a film with a rich and convincing texture, a drama with
power and anger...
The best thing that happens to Jackson is that he
sent to prison.
This probably saves his life...
Ebert jokes that Get Rich or Die Tryin' "offers a limited range of
choices, but we'll probably never see a film titled 'Get By and Don't
"In 1853, at the Calaveras grove, five Americans spent
cutting down a 3000-year-old sequoia, 302 feet high and 96 feet in
"They polished the stump into a dance floor and hollowed out the fallen
trunk into a bowling alley."
Americans and the California Dream: 1850-1915
by Kevin Starr
Link courtesy of Cardhouse.com
Trick question. It's all of the above!
- a comic by Goopymart
- commentary on internet memes
- an absurdist re-cap of this blog's last week
My pal from Cardhouse.com reminds
me there's also Michael Kupperman's comic strip collection
'n' Bacon's Cartoon Cabaret.
I've found my muse.
Presenting an original Destiny-land composition...
on a Plane.
It'll be almost a year from now. But when the movie comes out, you'll
want to have...
...a Snakes on a
UPDATE: Or -- the other
"no no seriously what is the movie called?"
"I love that title. All movies should be called Snakes on a Plane."
All across the web, fans are celebrating
their discovery of
this upcoming summer blockbuster with home-made
Sneakin' up my pantleg,
rubbin' on my luggage,
cloggin' the drain -
snakes on a plane...
Everyone's searching for
just the right twist. ("The lavatory is occupied... with snakes!")
There's even a caption contest.
("What the hell?!? I ordered pythons!")
This meme is here to stay....
If you are like most Americans, you are probably asking yourself, "How
can I educate myself about the important issue of snakes on a plane?"
Fortunately, New Line Cinema has prepared an educational film on this
very subject, starring Samuel L. Jackson...
web pages all over the net sharing my enthusiasm for the upcoming summer blockbuster.
VOICE OVER: In a world where snakes can get on a plane...
TICKET LADY: Enjoy the flight, Mr...(CHECKING THE NAME ON THE
Even the screenplay writer behind
"War of the Worlds" is weighing
"There are snakes on the plane. End of fucking story."
Apparently there was some controversy when New Line Pictures considered
switching the title to Pacific Air 121.
But in an interview, Samuel L. Jackson set them straight.
Samuel L. Jackson: Snakes on a Plane, man!
Samuel L. Jackson: We're totally changing that back. That's the
only reason I took the job: I read the title.
Interviewer: Snakes on a Plane! That's
Samuel L. Jackson: You either want to see that, or you don't.
This was a relief to comic
strip characters everywhere.
photos from the film!
Samuel L. Jackson's next movie is called:
Snakes on a
Let that sink in for a minute. We live in a world where a movie exists
Snakes on a Plane.
Already a message board for the movie has lit up with sheer joy over this
You can sense the buzz just by reading its subject lines...
- 'we just can't figure out why the box office is down...'
My sequel: Snakes on a Boat
Not Possible! Never Would Happen! [by spoilerpunk7]
On the message boards at IMDB.com, SpoilerPunk7 notes that "There are
no damn snakes in Hawaii and even if the bad guy brought them from some
other country or whatever, he still wouldn't have made it onto that plane
because Hawaii is so incredibly
strict about having snakes...."
At which point someone makes the obvious counter-observation.
nitpicking a movie called Snakes On A Plane..."
Catch the mania. ("This is the best thing to happen to cinema since sound.") Catch the
("I came on this plane specifically to get away from snakes yet here they
are! ON A PLANE!")
Catch the message board's heartfelt
in which 50 posters have already participated. ("If you want this movie
to be titled SNAKES ON A PLANE, post here...")
But if you follow one link - just one - you simply must see the
movie poster created specifically for....
on a Plane.
I watched the Emmy's tonight.
Random notes I jotted throughout the night...
- Paul Newman didn't show up. Snap! What a snub!
- Geoffrey Rush is so cool!
- I got a little misty during the
Carson tribute. Especially when he
"Here's that Rainy Day" with Bette Midler.
- Wow - Tarantino showed up. I didn't know he made his debut as an
Elvis performer on "The Golden Girls."
- They really hit George Bush pretty hard. They showed Jon Stewart
following a clip of Bush by saying "You know I love you, that's why I hit
And Blythe Danner thanked "our kids in Iraq. Let's get the hell out!"
- I'll just note that William Shatner didn't sing the lyrics
to the Star Trek theme.
- "Don't push me. Take your hands off me unless you plan to arrest me."
1968. I've always wanted to see that clip....
- In Memoriam: Jerry Orbach, Bob Denver.
- Pretty classy, bringing out Charlie, the little boy from New
- I was glad Lost finally won something. And that they brought
the whole cast onto
the stage for it -- Charlie, Sawyer, Sayeed, Locke, Jin, Hurley, Jack...
One last thought while watching the Emmys...
Ooo - "Martha Behind Bars" looks good.
It's CBS's made-for-TV movie next week.
I was surprised Letterman showed up. But for a tribute to Carson, that
makes sense. He loved Carson.
Letterman said today's viewers would miss seeing TV with that much "wit,
charm, intelligence and grace."
"With all respects to the laws of astrophysics, Johnny Carson's star
He also offered a good re-use of the ancient Greek saying that
"One must wait until the evening to see how the day has been." And in
homage to Art Fern, Letterman added...
"Whenever I'm driving on the freeways of Southern California, I still
think about cutting off my Slauson."
In Beverly Hills, California, they gathered at the Museum of Television
and Radio to commemorate the career of Bob Denver with a special
A 1963 episode from The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis titled "Call of the,
("Maynard suddenly becomes a magnet for girls -- unaware that he has
his hair tonic with a bottle of musk designed to attract members of the
The Professor weighs
"To his friends/fans the world over, we share our tears with you," Johnson
wrote Tuesday on his fan Web site. "Frankly, Bob Denver would adore your
laughter most of all. That's more than likely why God created him."
"As silly as it seems to all of us, it has made a difference in a lot of
is a buffoon that makes mistakes, and I cannot
tell you how many kids come up and say, 'But you loved him anyway.'"
-- the actress who played Mary-Ann
Yesterday I was blown away by the music video from Miami Latin artist
Her song Plástico rocks so hard...
I wake, turn off the alarm, at 7:30.
I call you, you don't answer, so much fury.
I hope for you, I don't see you, it's driving me crazy.
You abandon me, lie to me, I love you.
No, no, no, no more with these games!
I am at home, reading your letters, oh what shit.
I am not a Barbie made of plastic!
I have a soul!
I have a soul!
I'm stupid for loving you.
It's hurting me.
No, no, no, no more with these games!
I am not a Barbie made of plastic!
I have a soul!
I have a soul!
I have a soul!
Lyric translation from the Spanish original.
The song "Iko Iko" was a New Orleans song written in the 1950s.
Its mysterious words --
"Jockamo, fee-no ai" - are thought to be Cajun, a mixture of Creole,
French and English.
After 50 years of folk singers, the original author
of the song was tracked down by offBeat magazine. They asked him
what does "Jock-a-Mo" mean? Is it Mardi Gras Indian lingo? Does it mean
court jester? "What does it mean?"
"I really don't know. (Laughs)"
Stolen from Torrez
Mark Evanier makes a nice observation about celebrity
"I think it's kinda neat that people are often survived by their
websites. Buddy Hackett's is
still up, happily proclaiming -- as it did
before he left us -- that Buddy is retired and taking a nap. And at
Rodney Dangerfield's site, you can
still e-mail him. Maybe we should all
bombard him with insults. I think Rodney would appreciate being heckled
in the afterlife."
The 75th anniversary of
Blondie is being celebrated with cool cross-overs from other comic strips.
Blondie (and Dagwood) have been visited by Beetle Baily, the Family
Cirus, the Wizard of Id, Hi and Lois, Gasoline Alley,
Hagar the Horrible, and even the pets from Mutts!
Links courtesy of
Napoleon Dynamite and Pedro have been tapped to promote the Utah State
Now you can watch their funny TV ads on YouTube.
NAPOLEON: Horses are magnificent. They can be ridden on,
and they can pull a sled.
But did you know that the first horses were invented by a Utah State Fair
scientist to defend pioneer farms of old from wild Sasquatch attacks?
[Napoleon holds up a pencil drawing of
a horse fighting a
PEDRO: Who won?
PEDRO: Who won the battle?
NAPOLEON: Do you see any flipping Sasquatches around here?
The Utah State Fair. All your wildest dreams will come true.
Herbie: Fully Loaded opens with a
poignant montage showing the last 25 years in the volkswagen's life.
It used the perfect song - the Beach Boys' wistful "Getcha Back."
The other night they were playing our song
Hadn't heard it for oh so long
Took me back darlin' to that time in my car
When you cried all night cause we'd gone too far.
But if you buy the soundtrack, Disney swapped in a cover of the
by Sugar Ray's Mark
McGrath -- and, changed the lyrics.
Took me back darlin' to that time in my car
When you cried all night cause we drove too far.
Who changed the lyrics for "Born to Be Wild?"
Walt Disney changed the lyrics for "Born to Be Wild."
For Herbie: Fully Loaded, they used
classic rock songs covered by
modern bands - like Caleigh Peters singing the Beach Boys' "Fun, Fun,
the Donnas singing BTO's "Roll on Down the Highway", and the Mooney Suzuki
singing Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild."
But if you listen closely,
the motorcycle anthem's lyrics have been changed to eliminate a reference
to firearms. Yeah, gonna make it happen...
"...Take the world in a love embrace.
Fire all your en-gines at once, and
explode into space."
It used to be "Fire all of your guns at once."
UPDATE: Amazon reviewers are
that Disney used the original version of "Born to Be Wild" in the
movie, as well as the Beach Boys' "Getcha Back" and Loverboy's "Working
for the Weekend" - but then swapped in covers for their soundtrack
File this one under "Born to be Mild."
The former lead singer of Creed is almost
kicked out of the Gainesville Denny's.
A woman he tried to pick up had lured him there, just so her cruel
friends could enjoy an evening of saying "Hey, aren't you the former lead singer of Creed?"
P.S. This is a cool blog.
I've made up a new word.
It's that state where your movie-going habits start to conflict
your inherent indecisiveness.
Specifically, when you're not even
sure you want to
watch the movies that you yourself ordered with your NetFlix account....
A NetFlix executive, looking over the renting habits of a new customer,
"Uh-oh. Five weeks in, and he's already getting flickle."
This may be the best new word since
Before he played the bearded mountain man "Grizzly Adams,"
Dan Haggerty was a bare-chested body-builder.
Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon walk past him in Muscle Beach
was "Riff", the body-builder who jiggles his chest muscles and whistles
"Shave and a Haircut, Six Cents.")
He also appeared in the commune scene in
Rider - and built the
Haggerty has the distinction of being the only person to have his star
Hollywood's "Walk of Fame." The selection committee made a mistake
when awarding their star to 40s B-movie actor Don Haggerty.
Although Dan Haggerty
did win a a 90-day prison sentence in 1984 for selling cocaine.
I loved the Oompah Loompah songs Danny Elfman wrote for
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Today I found an
interview where Elfman reveals that the Augustus Gloop song "was
by big brassy Bollywood production pieces!"
And the controversy about trimming Roald Dahl's original words, like
"In the book, they were written more like extended chants than songs, but
his lyrics already had a wonderful rhythm to them. In the end, I had to do
a lot of editing, but I think I was 95% true to the book, with just a bit
of tweaking here and there."
He remembers that Tim Burton "kept throwing me off center by suggesting
music that I wasn't expecting." But...
"...we had worked together enough
that I knew I could do a lot of crazy things without shocking him!"
"I can't remember when
I've had more fun working at all. It was truly and wonderfully nuts!"
The web page even offers mp3s with sound clips from all the songs. But
really better if you let the movie surprise you.
In 7 weeks, they'll release a DVD with the first
season of Lost.
It'll be 7 discs.
They'll fill it with the 24 hour-long episodes, plus deleted scenes
showing more flashbacks of the characters' lives.
Along with the usual interviews with the creators, designers, and the
cast, they'll throw in a feature on the making of the (Emmy-nominated)
first episode, and the actors' original audition tapes.
"an island of secrets still to be revealed."
The Oompah Loompahs were even scarier in the original book.
Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, they
sing their stern
judgments with extensive and gleeful details about the
fates of the bad
For example, Augustus Gloop.
A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;
We add some sugar, cream, and spice;
We boil him for a minute more,
Until we're absolutely sure....
For Tim Burton's movie, Danny Elfman changed that lyric to "We boil it
for a minute more..."
Elfman sang, produced, and wrote music for all the songs. But Dahl's
lyrics were apparently so vicious, that Elfman had to
trim out most of them.
As an example,
here's Roald Dahl's original lyrics for the Augustus Gloop
song. Italics show the only lines that Danny Elfman kept.
Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!
The great big greedy nincompoop!
How long could we allow this beast
To gorge and guzzle, feed and feast
On everything he wanted to?
Great Scott! It simply wouldn't do!
However long this pig might live,
We're positive he'd never give
Even the smallest bit of fun
Or happiness to anyone.
So what we do in cases such
As this, we use the gentle touch,
And carefully we take the brat
And turn him into something that
Will give great pleasure to us all --
A doll, for instance, or a ball,
Or marbles or a rocking horse.
But this revolting boy, of course,
Was so unutterably vile,
So greedy, foul, and infantile
He left a most disgusting taste
Inside our mouths, and so in haste
We chose a thing that, come what may,
Would take the nasty taste away.
'Come on!' we cried, 'The time is ripe
To send him shooting up the pipe!
He has to go! It has to be!'
And very soon, he's going to see
Inside the room to which he's gone
Some funny things are going on.
But don't, dear children, be alarmed;
Augustus Gloop will not be harmed,
Although, of course, we must admit
He will be altered quite a bit.
He'll be quite changed from what he's been,
When he goes through the fudge machine:
Slowly, wheels go round and round,
and cogs begin to grind and pound;
A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;
We add some sugar, cream, and spice;
We boil [it] for a minute more,
Until we're absolutely sure
That all the greed and all the gall
Is boiled away for once and all.
Then out he comes! And now! By grace!
A miracle has taken place!
This boy, who only just before
Was loathed by men from shore to shore,
This greedy brute, this louse's ear,
Is loved by people everywhere!
For who could hate or bear a grudge
Against a luscious bit of fudge?"
But to be fair, 34 years ago, I remember a kid on the playground
Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. He'd read the book - "Charlie and
Chocolate Factory" - and
through the entire movie he'd waited to hear the Oompah Loompahs sing...
"Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop,
The great big greedy nincompoop!"
But they didn't.
I wonder if he'd even remember that conversation. But I did. Saturday,
watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. When the Oompah
Loompahs finally sang...
"Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop,
The great big greedy nincompoop!"
William Shatner got
an Emmy nomination.
He's up against two supporting actors from
O'Quinn ("Locke") and Naveen Andrews ("Sayid").
Lost was also nominated as best drama, best director (for its
first episode), and twice for best writing for a drama - the pilot
episode, plus "Walkabout.
It's the episode where Locke, in a wheelchair, shouts "Don't tell me what
- Of the 5 nominees for "best writing in a comedy series" - 3 are for
episodes of "Arrested Development"
- Of the 5 nominees for "best actress in a comedy series" - 3 are from
They're up against Jane Kaczmarek, the mom
on Malcolm in the Middle, who's been nominated
six times now, but
- Quentin Tarantino was nominated for directing an episode of CSI
Yahoo readers were asked which Lost actors should have also received
nominations. They chose:
Matthew Fox ("Jack") - 51%
Dominic Monaghan ("Charlie") - 15%
Evangeline Lilly ("Kate") - 15%
Josh Holloway ("Sawyer") - 10%
Jorge Garcia ("Hurley") - 7%
Maggie Grace ("Shannon") - 3%
for the 1960 movie "Stop, Look and Laugh" says it stars
"ventriloquist Joe Winchell."
It was PAUL Winchell!!! He played the voice of Tigger, and (believe it
or not) designed the first artificial heart! (Which works alot like the
mouth on a ventriloquist's dummy.) It even says "Paul Winchell" on the
picture your page is showing of the movie's cover!
this weekend at the age of 82. On this day when we're remembering
PAUL Winchell, your movie page should probably identify him AS Paul
NetFlix subscriber #100012
The Associated Press found a
good quote from Paul Winchell from a 1988 interview.
"I first met Walt Disney 25 or 30 years ago. He said, 'We're both in the
business. I use cartoons and you use dummies and we both entertain
children.' That was long before I started working here. Walt gave me a VIP
tour of the studio. I remember people doing voices.
"I said, 'Gee, that
must be fun.' And here I am."
Mark Evanier remembers
the time they worked together on an episode
of the Saturday Morning cartoon Garfield. Evanier includes as one of the
stupidest things he's ever said in his life the time he said to the
"I'm sorry, Paul, but I've got you talking to yourself here on page three.
You think you can handle it?"
"I always felt a little in awe of Paul, and unable to properly communicate
to him what his presence on TV had meant to me as a child. I told him how
I'd treasured my Jerry Mahoney ventriloquist figure and practiced
endlessly to try and do what he did...
"I'm not sure he understood how valuable his example had been to so many
my generation, even though most of us Winchell fans hadn't grown up to
become voice-tossers or even performers."
Read Paul Winchell's amazing story about
his rough childhood on the lower East Side that led him into
I decided to check in on the internet's homegrown experimental animation scene.
That's how I discovered this classic work of
outsider art, entitled:
film or Colin Mochrie versus Jesus H. Christ.
There's something quaint about
a magazine called "Modern
Man" from 1955.
But if you want to frame a copy and hang it in
your new apartment, Magazine Frames.com can help.
And they've also got a pretty impressive collection of
cheesecake magazine covers, too.
A San Francisco oldies station may have been sending a message this
afternoon, playing the 1970 song "I Want You Back" by - the Jackson 5.
Oh baby, give me one more chance.
Won't you please let me
back in your heart...
Tryin' to live without your love
is one long sleepless night.
Let me show you, girl,
that I know wrong from right...
Oh baby, all I need is one more chance.
Won't you please let me
back in your heart.
A sweet story about young people in Los Angeles.
It ends up with a USC web designer getting
Remember Jessica Cutler, the sex-blogging
intern who worked for Senator Mike DeWine? (R-Ohio)
reports that she's "already moved beyond her infamous
blog. 'I don't even
remember doing that stuff. I don't even remember what those guys looked
But they remember
On May 16, Robert Steinbuch, a staff attorney for DeWine, filed a federal
invasion-of-privacy lawsuit against Cutler...citing her written
references to his "spanking and
hair pulling" during their bedroom antics and claiming to be a victim of
writerly ambition, resulting in "humiliation and anguish beyond that which
any reasonable person should be expected to bear in a decent and civilized
Maybe they should've called it "Herbie: Unloaded".
Teen actress Lindsay Lohan's breasts have been digitally reduced for
the forthcoming Disney film Herbie:
Fully Loaded, to avoid offending
Test screenings for the new movie...
indicated that some parents felt Lohan's character Maggie Peyton was
too raunchy for a children's film.
Disney technicians were forced to
plough through numerous scenes - especially those showing the busty
actress jumping up and down at a motor racing track, reducing her breasts
by two cup sizes and raising revealing necklines on her T-shirts...
That's the rumor
But the movie's (female) director told Zap 2 It.com that it
Asked directly if computer wizardry had been used to obscure cleavage or
eliminate unwanted prurient implications, Robinson responds tersely.
...the actress spends much of the film in a racing suit that reveals less
skin than your typical Amish casual wear.
UPDATE: I'm now Yahoo's #4
match for the phrase:
"herbie fully loaded digitally altered"
isn't actually in Downey...
Well, it's 25 feet from the "Now Entering Downey"
sign. But if you look at a map, that sign is just in the wrong
Apparently Downey Records was in the back of
Wenzel's Music Town,
a record store serving Southern California's music lovers for 40 years.
Now it's a hub cap store.
Downey is also home to the
McDonalds on Lakewood Boulevard, north of Firestone Boulevard.
The locals want to
preserve it as a historic place - though
ironically, McDonalds itself wants to tear it down. (There's four
other McDonalds outlets in the city...)
Some suspect it's a
Ray Kroc learned the fast food business from Dick and Mac
McDonald in Downey, and later bought their restaurants. McDonalds likes
to claim the first McDonald's restaurant was the one opened later by Ray
See also: the first McDonald's commercials - which starred Willard
Before their classic surfing song "Pipeline," here's how
the Chantays got
their recording contract. They were high-school aged kids near Santa
"In 1962 during summer vacation we travelled to Big Bear, California, to
jam at a club where one of our friends was appearing. We could not find
the club, so we asked around and found this outdoor stage where a record
was to take place in Lake Arrowhead.
"We sat up our equipment near a
refreshment stand and before we knew it a large crowd formed, and we were
happy to hear that executives from the record industry were present. The
band was offered a recording session and Downey Records signed The
The song's original name was "44 Magnum".
Pal Records producer Paul Buff claims the Chantays also took his
arrangement of "Pipeline" to
Downey Records, where it was re-recorded and released.
pop song stories...
Spammers sneak past email filters by writing a few extra sentences that
sound like a genuine email. Sometimes it's zen-like
Today's spammer wisdom?
Character is the result of two things: Mental attitude and the way we
Without Elvis, none of us could have made it.
Whoa. The web site
for Oceanic Airlines has some
We regret to announce that
Airlines has ceased all operations effective immediately.
Orteig, President of Oceanic Airlines, released this statement: "...Due
to the financial difficulties in the wake of the Flight 815 tragedy, we
are no longer able to sustain service."
But if you
mouse over the text, you see another message.
West, of Santa Barbara, California, USA survived a horrific plane crash
and is stranded on an island somewhere Northeast of Australia and
Southwest of Hawaii. In the event that I am never found, please forward
word of my fate to my parents, Mr. and Mrs. John West, of Tucson Arizona.
The comments on the "Travellers" page also contains a similar message,
the web page's source code.
But if you enter a
specific set of seat
numbers, you'll be shown a trailer for the next season of Lost.
"They're not the survivors they thought they were."
See also: the
So I just watched the episode of "Yes, Dear" where John Hiatt sings
song Jimmy wrote.
"Another morning in my security box.
Every stage has free bagels and lox.
I just noticed I'm wearing two different-colored socks.
Man, this Vanilla Coke really rocks.
My second-favorite actor
has gotta be Captain Kirk.
These are things I think about at work....
I think Mr. T can take Russell Crowe in a fight.
I'd like to be Mr. Britney Spears for just one night.
I've always thought that guinea pigs were odd.
The man who invented NutRageous is a god.
If I were Hercules, all my best friends could just call me Herc.
These are things I think about at work."
What's the best way to celebrate the release of the new Star Wars
movie? How about foot-long
Pez dispensers that play music.
"The force be with you as you munch yummy PEZ candy dispensed from these
giant space heroes and villains!"
"Authentic Star Wars music plays when candy is dispensed."
The Jedi Council has been conqured by Sportsline
Pet sounds is an album that everyone should own, study, cherish, and
enjoy. "Hippocamp Ruins
Pet Sounds" is an open-ended experiment
conducted out of reverence, curiosity, and awareness of the sobering
fact that you can't improve upon perfection.
A group of electronic music fans re-mixes tracks from classic Beach Boys
The weird project taught them many things - that "the recognizable
elements of Pet Sounds are still beautiful when
presented in a drastically altered form." And, that "Great music
They launched the raft!!!
I just re-watched the first ten episodes of Lost.
I really like the way some of them end with songs that underscore the
the characters' stories.
Hurley dumping sand out of his shoe, as the survivors settle in.
I've got troubles,
Oh, but not today,
Cause they're gonna wash away,
They're gonna wash away.
After the survivors relocate to a cave with running water,
the camera pans the sad faces of those staying behind on the beach.
Kate, Sawyer, Sayeed, Michael and Walt.
Look around you,
Look down the bar from you,
The lonely faces that you see.
Are you sure that this is where you want to be?
Sayeed leaves the others behind to wander the shore alone.
When my legs no longer carry,
and the warm wind chills my bones,
I reach for Mother Mary
and I shall not walk alone.
Joe Purdy, "Wash Away"
Willie Nelson, "Are You Sure"
Blind Boys of Alabama, "I Shall Not Walk Alone"
Star Trek New Voyages
and 22 million
people watched it.
It's a fan's home-made episode, in which
Captain Kirk is played by Elvis impersonator James Cawley. But with 22
million viewers, it's more popular than the Star Trek Enterprise
series currently being broadcast!
For his next episode, Cawley has hired the actor who played Ensign
Chekov (Walter Koenig).
It reminds me of Starship
The robot cat!
Japan's consumer robots expand into the pet market....
San Francisco TV station KBHK re-runs The Simpsons three times a
For variety, Thursday they're re-broadcasting an entire episode
"It's your chance to hear Homer's marriage proposal to Marge in
Listen to Bart and Lisa scream at each other in Español. And wait
you hear Patti and Selma criticize Homer in Español."
¡ Happy Cinco de Mayo!
I use "pralines & cream" ice cream (sweet, yet tangy),
and drop it into a stein of Negra Modelo - a dark-yet-mellow beer.
I'm not the only one.
The Times Square Brewery in New York apparently makes their stout into a chocolate
Inspired in part by this scene from John Steinbeck's Cannery Row
The waitress, a blonde beauty with just a hint of a goiter, smiled at him.
"What'll it be?"
"Beer milk shake" said Doc.
Well here it was and what the hell. Might just as well get it
over with now as some time later...
TV on your cellphone.
That's the prediction
of a research group called Informa.
phones are expected to be sold this year. Within five years,
Informa predicts, the number of cellphone/TV watchers will leap to
My friend Laura watched her first episode of Lost last night. She
writes that "It was really exciting...and suspenseful.
"I just wonder what hijinks Gilligan will get into next....."
"Firefox is the gayest browser ever."
For some reason, this web page (that you're reading now) is Google's #1
match for that phrase.
But then again, it's also Google's #7 match
for the phrase:
pics of Lois from Malcolm in the Middle naked
Al Jean, a writer for The Simpsons, always remembered this
famous moment of
TV executive zen.
"An executive once said to me, 'When you take a comedy and remove the
humor, what remains should still be funny.'"
A song whose lyrics have never appeared on the web.
Gilligan got a special treat from Mary Ann in 1998.
30 grams of marijuana.
At least, that's what police sources claimed - after spending
two hours searching the home of Gilligan's Island star Bob Denver.
Police Detective Keith Compton told E! Online they'd found old check
stubs for $6000
worth of pot purchases made from Dawn Wells, the actress who
played Mary Ann, over three years.
According to other
news reports, "prosecutors were pressuring him to name Wells as his
supplier." But instead, "Denver testified that 'some crazy fan must have
it.' His punishment
was six months probation."
"Click Here to go to the FCC Complaint Form!"
Sure, if you want to narc out That 70s Show.
The nice folks at the Parents Television Council
issued an Action Alert about possible offensive material in its March 24,
They watched it over and over again, transcribed it,
then published their
on the web. So that you could read it,
and then protect your kids (and anyone else's) from ever having to watch
And - HA HA HA HA!!!! Some of these jokes are REALLY FUNNY!
Er, uh, I mean...
"WARNING: The following content summary is explicit and will be EXTREMELY
offensive to many."
"This is Donna's fault with all her 'No more sex 'till we're married'
crap. You guys have no idea how hard it's been to have no sex at all...."
The Parents Television Council was responsible for
of indecency complaints
to the FCC.
WHEREAS, Napoleon's tetherball dexterity emphasizes the
physical education in Idaho public schools....
WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of
of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay"
on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!"
NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED by the members of the First Regular
of the Fifty-eighth Idaho Legislature...that we commend Jared and Jerusha
Hess and the City
of Preston [Idaho] for showcasing the positive aspects of Idaho's
youth, rural culture,
education system, athletics, economic prosperity and diversity.
Amazingly, the Senate and House of the Idaho State legislature
both passed this
concurrent resolution last Thursday honoring the
of the film Napoleon Dynamite.
Satellite photos of any address in America? It's what Google's new map service is offering. (Just click
the word "Satellite" in the peach-colored bar below the search button.)
New technology is supposed to be fun - so as a public service, I tested it
out with the addresses of various amusement parks.
Here's Google's satellite photos of
Berry Farm, and Universal
Use your arrow keys for a fly-over!
Thanks to Andy!
Right now I'm listening to Mr. Spock's Music from Outer Space.
It's "one of the greatest party records of all time," according to
"In lieu of a theremin or similar electronic instrument, the Star Trek
a screaming reverb-laden combo organ with all vibrato switches 'set to
"Musical accompaniment is provided by a Ventures style surf group with a
liberal supply of amphetamine sulphate."
sound clips, the web page singles out one particular
instrumental track with for its classy title - "Music to Watch Space Girls
And it notes that this is just
one of Leonard Nimoy's many
I busted up laughing when Nimoy said "catch a
falling earth and put it in your pocket."
Whoa, far out, man....
Composer Hank Levine arranged and conducted the songs on Ann-Margret's
sultry 1963 album "Bachelor's Paradise."
In its quaint liner notes, he offers a thoughtful appraisal of the
"They tell me women don't like other women with too much sex appeal. Let
me tell you ladies you're missing a bet if you don't keep this recording
on your phonograph every night because if all husbands feel the way I do,
then, believe me, you'll see us staying home more! Oooooooh, man,
That's just embarrassing...
Ha! Someone at work predicted I was going to have bad luck today.
And I'm like, oooh, I'm so scared. Is it the end of the world?
going to strike my web page? BWA HA HA!
So I'm daring bad luck to strike me. It just goes to show you that
stupid people will believe anything. Especially today - April 1.
If you catch my meaning...
Click here to see the special
enhanced edition of this post which
Click here for more. Link via Waxy.
Don't miss Part II...
A discussion thread Monday,
about her real name,
and then it ended
"in a rather bittersweet way. Lots of tears, lots of phones, lots
"Nobody call Laura or her school anymore. Everybody knows now.
K. Krishna is Just
a Dumb Kid With a Nice Mom."
So Laura K. Krishna
a stranger online to write a college term paper for her about
the Hindu religion.
Nate Kushner: Yeah, that;s something we can talk about... As long
understand that plagiarism is not going to free you from the painful
cycle of death and rebirth any quicker.
Laura K. Krishna: ok
Laura K. Krishna: so can u help me
In her final paper, there's a caste called "the Shudahelupta"
H.P. Lovecraft + The Family Circus =
cartoon lines are a semblance of order waiting to be violated by
intimations of the fearfully glimpsed...."
Amazon displays additional links next to the
products it sells, like "buy it used" and "add to wedding registry".
It turns out that isn't
"What could be funnier than watching your mother-in-law unwrap an anal
douche on Christmas morning? Based on my experience in December 1998,
NBC is airing its last two episodes of the TV show LAX.
The show never got off the ground, despite
attempts to be
"There was a scene where a Marine and his girlfriend wanted to get
married and the airport staff was able to get them married on the
tarmac. When the Marine went onto the plane the new wife jumped for joy
and the wedding dress fell off and revealed her breasts."
Here's something you don't see every day. A fan forum
with zero messages.
I think it'd be more interesting if they made a TV show about a bus
The Perry Bible
Fellowship comic strip is now also available in
I think the t-shirt vendor has a cute name, too:
"Cure for Nudity."
Japanese "anime" comic books - artsy drawings, sometimes with adult
themes - are a target for small-town censors in this naturalistic drama
comic book store owner.
Surprisingly, it's appearing in installments in the newspaper comic
innocently enough - a mother goes to the comic book store. She's startled
by what she sees, and warns "Don't worry. I'll be
And then the story escalates.
"Great! Eight previously solicited titles have had pushbacks in their
publication dates... Can this day possibly get any worse?"
Poignantly, the kids at the store don't
understand. The owner of the store is escorted
to the police car.
"You're under arrest."
"That was a rhetorical question."
Out on bail, he's shown sadly bagging
My pal at Cardhouse reminds me of
a great project called the Art-o-Mat.
"Don't go 'round artless" their web site proclaims - displaying a vintage
They convert them so the pull-knobs dispense: original art.
Joel "We Like the Subs" Veitch has released another crazy cartoon/music
"First Drink of the
And on this one, he actually sings vocals!
Leisuretown is back.
The strange, wonderful photo-cartoon disappeared
from the internet 18 months ago - except for a sad, poignant
Suddenly, without warning, Leisuretown has reappeared, sporting a new
front page, an updated interface -- and an online store where
the cartoons' plastic, bend-able figures can be purchased.
"Join forces with the protagonist from American Masturbator and
members of your immediate peer group stop returning emails and phone
"This commerce caravan would never exist in a million years if it weren't
for the repeated, hostile requests made over time by beloved constant
readers such as yourself..."
Bet the lottery with 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 - and you win $156 million. At
least, that's what happened to Hurley on Lost.
But then he started having bad luck, too. Injuries to relatives,
unlucky backgammon rolls - even the plane crash?
It turns out he'd heard
the numbers recited, over and over again, by a hospital in-patient. Who
got them from a military man in Australia. Who'd heard them transmitted
from a mysterious island in the middle of the ocean....
There is a pattern to the numbers. The distance between the first
five numbers is 4, 7, 1, 7. (4, 4+3, 4-3, 4+3). And if you add those
differences up, you get 19 - the distance between the fifth and sixth number.
After the episode aired, 215 people
rushed to Michigan's
"Mega Millions jackpot," and
bet 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.
And they lost.
the shotgunned cesspool of hyperreality.
art on the edge of damage.
share, disiminate and enjoy.
"Anti-Copyright, 1994, strictly not enforced," the site adds. "Share,
distribute and enjoy.
All comments and suggestions are encouraged and welcomed."
A 4th grader asks the mayor what he would take
to a deserted island.
The mayor answers: "a bottle of gin."
Er, okay, um, but Mr. Mayor - do you have any hobbies?
Ah, Las Vegas is a wonderful city...
Link via Hit and Run
"I want to thank Warner Brothers -- for casting me in this piece of shit."
Halle Berry gave a heartfelt speech last night. Across town
Oscars, at the "Razzie" awards ceremony, Berry actually turned up to
mocking award for her performance in Catwoman.
Clutching the Oscar she won in 2002, Berry railed against
She dragged her agent on the stage, and said "next time read the script
"The Academy would like its Oscar back," the announcer joked.
Link via Waxy.
Elsewhere, Berry says
good that I'm getting a Razzie this year because now I'm
back at the bottom. The expectation has been taken off me..."
"Oh crap, I'm not like that. Nobody can really be like that. I mean, if I
all that stuff, I'd have to be mentally retarded or something. And I'm
Sandra Dee was interviewed by
in 1967. And she railed against her public image...
"I'm 25 years old, and it so happens that I like to smoke. So out in
Hollywood the studio press agents are still pulling cigarettes out of my
hand and covering my drink with a napkin whenever my picture is taken.
Little Sandra Dee isn't supposed to smoke, you know. Or drink. Or
Roger Ebert once complained about the lack of real access to the movie
stars of today. In the the golden age of film criticism - the late 60s -
Ebert performed these sit-down interviews which were candid and revealing.
"I'll never take off my clothes in the movies... Never...."
Even when the answers are evasive - the
observant film critic can still capture a celebrity's special essence.
"The other day on a radio program, I really got carried away. The
interviewer asked me what I thought about premarital sexual relations, and
I told him."
Uh, what did you tell him?
"Never mind," said Sandra Dee.
Three years later, Sandra Dee changed her mind and appeared
naked in The Dunwich Horror.
And two years after that, Ebert's film essays won him a
A British film magazine
the 10 worst Best Picture winners at the Academy Awards.
More info here...
#7. Around the World in 80 Days
Chose your own from this list of all past Best Picture winners
Sometimes Google's movie-search feature gets it right.
movie: comic book Keanu Reeves awful in
Google says: Constantine
movie:worst movie ever made
Google says: Shanghai
Nights and A.I.
movie: gayest movie ever made
Google says: Sgt.
Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
movie: best Elvis movie ever
introduced a new search feature. Type "movie:" before what you're looking
Google will find it.
movie: [your zip code] - Google finds movies now playing
Er, it doesn't always guess right, though.
movie: [description] - Google guesses which movie you want
movie: Sandra Dee naked - Google guesses "What
a Girl Wants"
The correct answer? Sandra
Dee was naked in The Dunwich Horror.
Google doesn't know which movie had Annette
Funicello drunk, either.
A North Carolina newspaper had a contest on their web site to guess:
which Simpson's character would come
out of the closet on the February
Homer's latest money-making racket was performing gay marriages - and
he eventually got approached by....
Marge's sister Patty! ("You could see it from space, Marge!")
But what's more interesting is to see which characters viewers
thought were going to come out as gay - according to the site's
20% - Smithers
And the winner of their contest was......... me!
17% - Carl (and 6% for Lenny)
8% - Ned Flanders
8% - Barney Gumbel
5% - Mrs. Crabapple
5% - Moe the bartender
4% - Groundskeeper Willie
4% - Comic Book Guy
3% - Disco Stu
3% - Principal Skinner
2% - Side-Show Bob
I was one of six people who correctly guessed Patty.
"We're extremely proud of you," the site's producer told me.
Adding "The only person to vote for Mr. Burns was my mother."
In 1988, the Stephen King horror film Carrie...
into a musical. Darlene Love played a gym teacher.
It's one of Broadway's uncelebrated failures, remembered on a new blog
about musical theatre called
Blogway Baby. Also noted is the
new Beach Boys-inspired musical, "Good Vibrations" - especially this
scathing review in Hollywood Reporter.
...an insipid story about a group of restless teens who travel from their
drab East Coast town in search of the fun, sun and beautiful blondes of
Normally, more plot information would be provided
here, but the coma that set in almost immediately after the opening number
prevents memory of further details.
Sandra Dee was 63, filmed A Summer's Place, and was married to
Hunter S. Thompson was 67, wrote Fear and Loathing in Las
Vegas, and was honorary night manager at the Mitchell Brother's adult
It's ironic that two such different people died on the same
They were only four years apart - but that put them on opposite sides of
the line dividing the 50s from the 60s. Ironically, I'd been
thinking about Sandra Dee just recently...
Four months ago I'd wanted to rent a beach movie, and ended up with
A Summer's Place. Sandra Dee and Troy Donahue fight very hard not
to have sex. At one
point after a chaste night on the beach, Sandra Dee returns to find her
obsessive mother has even called a doctor to examine her to determine
whether or not she's lost her virginity. There's lots of speeches from
the kids and from the parents about the need to be honest, about the guilt
of previous generations.... Not all of them are anti-sex speeches; some
actually bemoan hypocrisy.
After the movie I did an obligatory web search for trivia. There's that
song in Grease called "Look at
Me I'm Sandra Dee," with a stanza specifically
to Dee's co-star in "A Summer Place."
As for you, Troy Donahue,
Er, so then how does she get knocked up in the last reel? (Whoops - I
gave away the ending...)
I know what you wanna do.
You've got your crust,
I'm no object of lust.
I'm just plain Sandra Dee.
And then the police are looking for them - because they're under-aged.
They hide under a bridge as the sirens go by. Poor lost teen lovers....
In fact, for years I always thought the lyrics to "A Summer Place" were..
That would've made alot more sense. But no, according to a web search,
the lyrics are:
a summer place
where we can go,
And the sweet secret of
Reading her obituary
tonight, I see a friend of the family saying Sandra
"didn't have a bad bone in her body." And that song in Grease?
had a big laugh about it. She had a great sense of humor."
A summer place
Is that it's anywhere
When two people share
All their hopes
All their dreams
All their love.
There's more. "In a March 1991 interview with People magazine, Dee said
she was sexually abused as a child by her stepfather and pushed into
stardom by her mother. Dee, who turned to pills and alcohol, said she hit bottom after her mother
died in 1988.
"'I couldn't function,'" she told People, adding that she began
more than a quart of scotch a day as her weight fell to 80 pounds. She
said she stayed home almost constantly for three years."
I prefer to remember her as the drive-in icon she was.
Apparently one of her
last movies was "The Dunwich Horror" in
1970. Dee plays a librarian
at the library with the only known copy of the Necronomicon. She gets
drugged and kidnapped to a spooky old mansion where there's something
One Amazon reviewer noted it's Sandra Dee's only movie with a nude
Call him drunken Ira Hayes
sang a song about the American Indian who helped raise the flag on Iwo
He won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey drinkin' Indian
Nor the Marine that went to war....
As the 60th anniversary of the battle is remembered, it's sad to learn
Hayes died at the age of 32, just 10 years later, an alcoholic. Some say
he was killed by the weight of fame from having been an Iwo Jima
flag-raiser, and guilt over
the loss of his fellow Marines...
Lee Marvin and Tony
Curtis eventually played Hayes in biographical movies.
"No movie is successful without my all-powerful thumb pointing up.
movie can succeed when my all-powerful thumb points down..."
A long, surreal
called "Burton and Jefferson Meet
Roger Ebert at a Party."
(Or "The Thumbs of Fate!! Horror beyond imagination!")
"How sad. I leave you two to your pathetic delusions of sentience..."
See also: Reminiscing
The Nazi's banned the book "Bambi."
It was translated into
English by Whittaker Chambers (who 20 years later was a chief accuser in
Nixon's part of the McCarthy hearings.)
The book was ultimately brought to Walt Disney's attention by novelist
Disney's movie took five years to make. It contained just 900 spoken
words, and the
American Rifleman Association objected to the way hunters were
depicted. By this time the book's author, Felix Salten, had already sold
his rights, and made almost nothing from
the film. (His book also has a sequel called "Bambi's Children", and
in addition he wrote the book that Disney's "The Shaggy Dog" was based on.
Meanwhile, the child star who provided the voice of Bambi never worked on
another movie. Donnie Duggan joined the marines, taking bullets in his head,
leg, much of it during the Tet offensive. The Disney studio didn't
hear from him for decades, and assumed that he
It wasn't until
last year that he
turned up in Texas.
63 years after Bambi, he'd lost much of his
savings in the Enron debacle...
The name "Bambi" comes from the Italian word for baby. ("Bambino")
Last night Jon Stewart's The Daily Show did a segment
The highlight was its interview with Stephen Colbert...
JON: With more on the role of blogger's in today's media, I'm
joined by Daily Show senior media correspondent, Stephen Colbert.
STEPHEN: Jon, before we begin, I'd like to get something off my
chest, before I get 'outed' by the bloggers.
My real name isn't
Colbert. It's Ted Hitler. No relation. Well, distant relation, two
generations back. Directly. I'm Adolf Hitler's grandson. Anyways, it's
out there. It's no longer news.
JON: Uh, uh, wow. First of all, thank you for your honesty,
It's Ted. It's Ted Hitler.
Ted, you're sort of 'old media,' you're an old media reporter. What are
your thoughts on,
in your mind, the role of these new media figures?
Jon, the vast majority of bloggers out there are responsible
correspondents doing fine work
in niche reporting fields like Gilmore Girl fan fiction, or cute things
their cats do or photoshopped images of the Gilmore Girls as cats. That's
great. Where I draw the line is with these "attack bloggers," just
someone with a computer who gathers, collates and publishes accurate
information that is then read by the general public. They have no
credibility. All they have is facts. Spare me...
JON: But, Stephen, I mean, to be perfectly...
STEPHEN: Okay, I put myself through school as a Colombian drug
mule. I put heroin in condoms and I smuggled them into the country in my
colon. Okay? Fine. Post away, atrios.blogspot.com
Um -- getting back to the story, Stephen, the medium of the internet may
be new but
what bloggers do, as you just described it, is really in many respects
'What journalists do', Jon? As a journalist, I think I know what I do.
I'm not sitting at home in front of my computer. I'm out there busting my
hump every day at the White House, transcribing their press releases,
repeating their talking points. That's how you earn your nickname from
President Bush. And when he stands at the podium, points at me and says
'You, Chowderneck - question?' Everyone knows its me. Ted Hitler.
JON: But as long -- as long as the blogs fact-check, as long as
these bloggers check their facts, why would you even object to this kind
of political coverage?
STEPHEN: Because it's not political coverage, Jon.
They're reporting on the reporters. The first rule of journalism is
talk about journalism'. Or maybe that's Fight Club, but my point
is this. These guys need to learn: you don't report on reporters. Nobody
likes a snitch! If they've got to report on something, why don't they
take some of that youthful moxie of theirs and investigate this
administration. Somebody ought to! You would not believe the
things they're getting away with!
JON: But Stephen...
Fine, Jon. Three years ago I killed a panda. Ling-Ling! Or the other
one. I can't tell them apart. In my own defense, in my own defense Jon,
it was dark, I was drunk, and it was delicious. Sorry to ruin your scoop,
Now Stephen, like it or not, these bloggers have already gained a certain
Yes, Jon, and therein lies our only hope. For with legitimacy, the
bloggers will gain a seat at the table, and with that comes access,
status, money, power. And if we've learned anything about the mainstream
that breeds complacency.